E-mergency! Read online

  by TOM LICHTENHELD

  and EZRA FIELDS-MEYER

  THE CAST

  A B C D

  E F G H I

  J K L M

  N O P Q

  R S T U

  V W X Y Z

  ? !

  THE OTHER CAST

  Thanks to Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Maria Walther. With love and gratitude to Jan.

  —TL

  For my brothers, Ami And Noam, and with thanks to Amit Bernstein and Howie Hoffman of Media Enrichment Academy.

  —EFM

  Table of Contents

  The Cast

  Acknowledgements

  Dedication

  E-mergency

  About the Author

  Copyright

  “HEY LOOK—ALPHABET SOUP!”

  ALL THE LETTERS LIVED TOGETHER IN A BIG HOUSE.

  “I LOVE THESE OLD COMIC BOOKS!” said D.

  “ME TOO!” said C.

  R: “SO, SOMETIMES YOU’RE A CONSONANT?”

  E: “AND SOMETIMES YOU’RE A VOWEL?”

  Y: “YEP! I BOUNCE BACK AND FORTH!”

  V: “HEY! WE WANT A KITE, TOO!”

  Z: “PIPE DOWN!I’M TYRING TO SLEEP!”

  J: “DOES THIS SERIF MAKE MY BUTT LOOK BIG?”

  T: “GEE, I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY PARTY!”

  G: “IT’S T-RIFFIC!”

  Q: “I’M QUITE USELESS WITHOUT YOU, U!”

  U: “WE’LL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER!”

  A: “THIS ISN’T A VERY GOOD REPOPT CARD.”

  M: “MMM…OUR FAVORITE!”

  O: “SPAGHETTI-O’S!”

  B: “JUST BE.”

  EVERY MORNING THEY RAN DOWNSTAIRS TO BREAKFAST.

  Y: “BREAKFAST AHEAD!”

  C: “CHOW TIME!”

  Z: “I’M STILL SLEEPY.”

  G: “YOU’RE ALWAYS SLEEPY!!”

  ONE MORNING, E CAME DOWN THE STAIRS A LITTLE TOO FAST.

  EVERYONE CAME RUNNING TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED.

  R: “E! ARE YOU OK??”

  “NO, WE ARE,” said O and K.

  X: “HERE’S THE SPOT WHERE SHE TRIPPED.”

  Y: “WHY IS E ON THE FLOOR? IS SHE EXERCISING? EAVESOROPPING? EXCAVATING?”

  Z: “I’m exhausted!”

  AS ALWAYS, A TOOK ACTION.

  A: “J, WALK ACROSS THE STREET AND GET THE NUMBERS SO WE CAN CALL 911!”

  J: “AYE AYE, A!”

  A: “Z, WAKE UP AND GO OVER TO PUNCTUATION’S HOUSE—WE’RE GOING TO NEED MORE EXCLAMATION MARKS!”

  THE E-M-Ts RUSHED IN WITH AN I-V, READY TO PERFORM C-P-R.

  I: “EMERGENCY! ALARM! DANGER!! STAND BACK!!”

  A: “ANDIAMO!”

  S: “SPEED IT UP!”

  V: “VIGOROUSLY!”

  P: “PRONTO!”

  THEN THEY GOT HER READY TO GO TO THE E-R.

  Y: “WHY ISN’T E EVEN CRYING?”

  O: “SOMETIMES SHE’S A SILENT E.”

  “SHE JUST NEEDS SOME T-L-C,” said one E-M-T.

  “AND AN X-RAY!” said the other.

  “TAKE TWO ASPIRIN AND CALL US IN THE A.M.!” said D.

  AFTER THE AMBULANCE EXITED, A ASSEMBLED THE ALPHABET.

  A: “SOMEONE IS GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE THE PLACE OF E WHILE SHE GETS BETTER. O, YOU’RE THE OBVIOUS OPTION, BECAUSE YOU’RE SO WELL-ROUNDED.”

  O: “BUT I’M SOOOO Busy! WHY CAN’T ONE OF THE CONSONANTS HELP OUT?”

  A: “DON’T BE OBNOXIOUS, O, YOU KNOW THE CONSONANTS JUST SPEAK GIBBERISH WITHOUT US VOWELS!”

  Y: “SO, NO ONE CAN USE E, INCLUDING US?”

  A: “THAT’S RIGHT. STARTING RIGHT NOW, IT’S O INSTEAD OF E.

  THAT’S IT, PORIOD.”

  A AND EXCLAMATION MARK MADE THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT.

  A: “E IS INJUROD AND CAN’T WORK, SO O MUST BO USOD INSTOAD OF E.”

  I: “DO! NOT! USO! E! UNTIL! SHO! ROCOVORS! OR! YOU! COULD INFLICT! PORMANONT! INJURY!!”

  D AND C WENT TO WASHINGTON TO ALERT THE U.S. GOVERNMENT.”

  D: “WO NOOD FULL GOVORNMONT COOPORATION, INCLUDING THE OPA, THO FCC, THO FDIC, NASA, FOMA, AND OSHA!”

  C: “OVORYBODY MUST FOLLOW OUR INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT THO LOTTOR TO THE LOTTOR!”

  “THIS WON’T BO OSAY!”

  AND THE REST OF THE LETTERS TALKED IT UP ON THE TALK SHOWS.

  “HOW ARO YOU GUYS DOING WITHOUT YOUR FRIOND?”

  A: “WOLL, O COULDN’T BO HORO BOCAUSO HO’S TOO BUSY FILLING IN FOR E, BUT THO ROST OF US SOOM TO BO DOING JUST FINO.”

  R: “ARRR! GUOSS WHAT I AM!”

  S: “LOOK AT MO! I’M ON TV!”

  H: “HI, MOM!”

  P: “I HAVO TO GO TO THO BATHROOM.”

  U: “AGAIN?!”

  N: “YOU TWO SHOULDN’T SIT TOGOTHOR!”

  O DID HIS BEST FILLING IN FOR E, BUT THE RESULTS WERE QUITE CONFUSING.

  TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, E WASN’T GETTING BETTER. THE M-Ds COULDN’T FIGURE OUT WHY.

  “WO DID ALL SORTS OF TOSTS…”

  “…INCLUDING AN M-R-I, A CAT SCAN AND AN O-K-G.”

  “HOR TOMPORATURO IS FINO.”

  “BUT SHO’S STILL NOT ROADY TO GO BACK TO WORK!”

  Y: “WHY, OH WHY, ISN’T OUR BUDDY GOTTING BOTTOR?”

  A DECIDED THEY NEEDED TO TAKE A TRIP TO SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT THE LETTER.

  R: “I’M ROADY TO ROAM!”

  O: “I’M ON BOARD!”

  A: “PACK YOUR BAGS, LOTTORS. IT’S TIMO FOR A JOURNOY!”

  D: “I’M D-LIGHTOD!”

  T: “I’M TAKING IT ALL!”

  W: “I’M WORKING OUT A PLAN!”

  I: “I’M IN!”

  P: “I’M PACKOD!”

  !: “I’M OXCITOD!!”

  THEY TRAVELED NEAR…

  T: “DON’T WORRY, GUYS, IT’S TOMRORARY!”

  U: “IT JUST DOOSN’T HAVO THO SAMO RING TO IT, DOOS IT?”

  WHEN THEY GOT HOME, E STILL WASN’T RECOVERED.

  THE LETTERS HAD A PROBLEM.

  “WO’VO BOON PATIONT, BUT OUR PATIONT IS STILL ILL!”

  W: “SOMOBODY IS DISOBOYING OUR LOTTOR LAW!”

  !: “WAIT!! I THINK I KNOW WHO THO CULPRIT IS!”

  “HOY NARRATOR! STOP USING OUR BOD-RIDDON BUDDY, RIGHT NOW!”

  SO THO LAST PORSON USING YOU-KNOW-WHO, STOPPOD.

  N: “THAT’S BOTOR.”

  QUICK AS A WINK, SHO WAS OUT OF BOD AND ROADY TO GO BACK TO WORK.

  JUST IN TIMO FOR…

  THe eND.

  FREQUENCY OF USE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

  E 12.702%

  T 9.056%

  A 8.167%

  O 7.507%

  I 6.966%

  N 6.749%

  S 6.327%

  H 6.094%

  R 5.987%

  D 4.253%

  L 4.025%

  C 2.782%

  U 2.758%

  M 2.406%

  W 2.360%

  F 2.228%

  G 2.015%

  Y 1.974%

  P 1.929%

  B 1.492%

  V 0.978%

  K 0.772%

  J 0.153%

  X 0.150%

  Q 0.095%

  Z 0.074%

  About the Authors

  TOM LICHTENHELD loves drawing pictures and telling silly stories. His books include the New York Times best sellers Duck! Rabbit!, Shark Vs. Train, and Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site. He lives in Geneva, Illinois.

  EZRA FIELDS-MEYER is a high school student and an expert on animated movies and animals. He is the creator of the animated short “Alphabet House,” which inspired this book, and is the subject of the memoir Following Ezra (by his father, Tom Fields-Meyer). He and his family live in Los Angeles, California.

  Text © 2011 by Tom Lichtenheld and Ezra Field
s-Meyer.

  Illustrations © 2011 by Tom Lichtenheld. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

  eISBN: 978-0-8118-7898-2

  Chronicle Books LLC,

  680 Second Street,

  San Francisco, California 94107

  www.chroniclekids.com

 

 

  Tom Lichtenheld, E-mergency!

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